Saturday, May 15, 2010

A letter to the Artimator

Dear Artimator,

The other day, I was reading an old post on this blog (yes,there was a blue moon that night  ) about you , and I realised that today at TEN months old, you're almost all grown up! So  while you're napping as I try to rock you back to sleep/feed you/make my next word on scrabble/check on the maid/tickle you on demand/watch yet another episode of Frasier/answer the phone(thank you for your help drooly fingers),I would request you to take some time out from dealing with that newspaper and give some consideration to the following points.....

-Now that you're  drunkenly lurching  1,2,3...4 falling and getting up bum first  to do it all over again walking, noisily claiming food from everyone else's plate, how about laying off shoe laces and slippers , licking walls and anything new within reach?

-Mamma's world revolves around you, and if you take a nap longer than 10 mins on surfaces other than her , it will STILL revolve around you. And  your seek-mamma-raise-alarm-if-not-in-reach-out-and-hang-on-to-range  could do with a break too, specially at night.

- Swallowing two spoonfuls of water does NOT automatically convert spoon to toy. Not even if you distract the folks with giggles while you snatch it out of their hands .

- Waving bye ONLY to the one-who-drives-mamma-nuts-with-her-distaste-for-taking-directions and absolutely no one else is so NOT fair.

-Could you please oblige the duck with some offerings other than the liquid kind. Mamma would like to report to the grandfolks that the "Potty has actually depreciated in value..FINALLY" .

-Sometimes we actually ARE sneezing loudly, sometimes the bedcover DOES need to be dusted repeatedly with loud thwacks....what was all that giggling for ?Wait a minute , I think I see some dirt on the bed...

- If you could sleep through watching Baba and his friends taxi off in their aircraft, then pray tell why does the mixie upset you so?

- High chairs and prams are meant for sitting in ,and if you really want to explore those straps,there's no need to turn around and stand up. Your folks will gladly bring all the straps around to meet in that buckle that goes over your belly. 

- See mamma's saying "NO" doesnt mean that you have to shake your head , smile and carry on eating that book or pulling that curtain or eating that shoelace. And  she'll fall for that crying everytime, IF you could just keep a straight face or even produce a tear or not stop crying as soon as you get your way .Keeping your hand on your ear is a dead give away too.And no, the folks arn't laughing , they just need to look at something in the other direction.

-All dangling things and mamma's hair are not meant too be pulled and chewed.You can do that when we serve noodles, or if the hair is your own

-We are doing our best to learn the meaning of "Mamamamamama", "Aenanananannnnnn", "Aaaaeytaitaitai Aaaaeytaitaitai " how about meeting us mid way and learning the meaning of "Wait, Im coming shona".

- Keep trying, someday you might actually be able to grasp that water coming out of the garden pipe, or the bathroom tap. Or one of these days mamma might let you hold the mug while she gives you a bath.And while we are on the subject of baths, this is not the way to get maximum splashes

-Save the non stop rough housing, or "Jhinga Masti" (as your Baba so eloquently puts it )
for the grandparents .THEY have no need to take a break from you.
Actually if a certain person hadn't caught them just in time, you'd have mysteriously disappeared this Sunday.

-Baba's zillion wrist watches are fair game, mamma's one and only is not.

-See that kid in the mirror, yes the one you're grinning at ? He's mamma's sweetheart.


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